But I think I've found something in you

My headache lasted for 12 days total. 12 days. Yeah, let that sink in, 12 days. 12 fucking days.

I went to the archives today, came back at around 5. Played with the cats for a bit, drank coffee(sans sugar) but loaded with cream. 

Im smoking so many cigarettes. Okay, so maybe not so many, but I am and given that I had completely stopped smoking, its really sad that I am back to smoking 3 a day.

Me and Nella(say hello to one of my closest friends) spent the last week completely baked watching crappy horror movies on this website. One of the movies was called Eat Local, and I guess it was a zombie movie. Eat local, seriously? would they name sequel 'Buy local produce'? I wouldn't surprised though, zombie movies have misplaced sense of horror, and they are generally shit. 

Blasted music in the bathroom while I bathed, I think its an under-rated joy. Also, later I put on a lotus flower serum korean face sheet mask and some classical music for my plants while I tended them. 

For dinner, I am making chocolate mousse(keto) and roasted chicken salad. Waiting for the grocer to send over the stuff so that I can get cooking. 

I have decided to follow this diet till my birthday, which is in September. I just need lots of resolve to not break it. Having been craving rice and pancakes and cupcakes so bad. Though in keto, you can make amazing cup cakes using loads of butter, stevia, almond flour, vanilla essence etc, but I am really having crazy sugar withdrawals so I just dream of having the icing more than the cake. 

Perhaps, post dinner I will have something interesting to write about. 

But I think I've found something in you

you hold my hand so close between yours

all this time I always thought it would be your hand

holding mine..

#sexymigraine

Past week has been hell because of the migraine, it was only in books and websites that headaches went for this long, till it happened to me. My head is a different kind of hell and is always ripping through the time-space continuum, so perhaps this the reason why the headache feels endless, so does my heart ache, and the feeling of ennui. 

Have spent the past 6 hours doing completely brain dead work with full concentration, though it is marred by my heart ache which is dull(and ingenuous, by the simple of virtue of having existed 14 months+), is not just dull, but annoying and persistent. Nothing makes it go away, I have started to fear that this will exist as long as I live. In my own humble opinion, I am hazaar fucked and doomed. Will I always be in love with the wrong people? Will it will always suck? Will I always be five feet besides myself and unhappy?

I have more or less been in the zone but something triggered a host of awful feelings last week, and I find it difficult to breathe.

Delhi summers has been lovely, if I may say so. I mean it showers pretty often, and evenings are pale, breezy and lovely. 

I am making enough money to make ends meet, and do a few other things. It all feels okay till I want to have more perspective and look at the larger picture. Wtf is a larger picture? I don't care if I have everything that I really want tomorrow, because right now is when I want it, because right now seems to extend forever and the tomorrow never really comes. 

Also, dating is generally bullshit in Delhi. Only morons on the offer, wondering if someone feels the same way about me.