Skipped therapy today, but it was just fucking hot and I couldn't get myself to leave my home at 12 noon. I'll miss seeing her in person, once she leaves for Canada. Yeah, that's one more exit. </3
I've really built a nice relationship with my therapist and I've known her for 3 years now, I'm the only patient she'll do Skype sessions with. So yeah, I feel really special right now.
Day was spent, hurriedly trying to finish off some work, while falling asleep every 30 mins. I am not sure what's happening to me. But my day went weird after my afternoon nap cuz I dreamt that I fucked Jackie Shroff in a ghetto like set up. We smoked up before the nasty, and he was really old and dressed like an old left union Dada from JU. I am not even attracted to that guy. Dafuq is up.
So I sort of completed a week on LCHF diet. Brain fog, headaches etc faded out by yesterday, but I've hit such a bumper. And its all my mistake.
A few months back I was diagnosed with hypothyroid, and Im on the minimum possible dosage of medicine, but I am. I forgot to mention that small detail to my doc. She had asked me to get a few tests done before I started the diet and I came clean for all of them. I got a google reminder that my thyroid quarterly test is due and that's when it hit and I told her about it. And she asked me to stop the diet immediately, and asked me to boil a cup of rice with a few slices of potato and have it for a meal!
By this time, I have bought literally all kinds of stuff you need for this kind of a diet and now Im feeling stupid and also a little sad. I have to lose about 10 kgs of weight and I really thought this diet would help because as we all know, weight loss= 80% diet+20% exercise.
Now I have been sent a new chart of complex carb meals, which would help my thyroid function and possibly keep the calories down. Complex carb meals are easy, along with some rice, boil some vegetables as well. And yeah, thats a perfectly healthy complex carb meal.
Anyway, feeling bummed right now and wondering what would happen to all the cream cheese, bacon and mozzarella in my stomach.
I'm doing much better today I think. I've bought all kinds of cheese possible. I baked some spinach+cottage cheese+broccoli+half cup spring onions with cream and mozzarella cheese. Before I put it to bake, I sauteed these with a bit of garlic in butter and some nice soy sauce. It was delicious, I had a small serving each for the meals.
For beverage, I had a cup of black coffee and a cup of green tea. I snacked on some almonds and walnuts,and had two glasses of butter milk(added a pinch of salt).
It wasn't so tiring today, I could run+yoga for about an hour and half.
I've realized that I really love doing yoga but breathing exercises really get my goat, I just cant. Though I force myself to somehow do those exercises for about 15 minutes.
The only thing about this diet that I really miss is having fruits. I really miss having my watermelons, oranges and apples. I just keep telling myself that in six months, I can get back to eating fruits and all things I love.
I feel so fagged out, thanks to the low carb diet. My friend tells me this will happen for a couple of weeks, I'll get headaches, feel dizzy, cranky etc but once my body adjusts to it, it will not hurt so much.
I slept for 4 hours in the afternoon and I am yawning again as I type.
I have so much work to finish before I sleep, I think Im gonna die.
Thats the name of a cheesy song by the Spice girls.
My friend K, or as I now call her, K dawg(I know, the 30s have hit us hard...on the head)...so yea K dawg left for her hometown yesterday and we really tried to not cry at the airport, but then we did. I mean we werent that kind of great friends before she got here, just that we knew each other for close to a decade. But us staying together, and both of us being at the same curve in our lives, I think we've built a different kind of solidarity and love. Last night I really felt lonely, I cried on the phone for a bit, looked at all our selfies taken in the past two months and in the morning I woke up feeling better.
I think its been a while that Ive known that I do not want a marriage kind of a family set up, I love companionship and I seek to make a different kind of a support infrastructure for myself. Hence, I really treasure my friendships. My friendships will be my lifelong relationships. So as friends we practiced not to place a romantic love above than the other relationships, and that the care an that sense of companionship is going to stretched beyond the partners'. So we try to be there for each other's important days. Its difficult, yes, its quite difficult actually, because then you are looking out for quite a few people at the same time and therefore having a few solid friendships helps, so that there'll be someone atleast! Ive grown up in a family and society where women value their marriages above their personal relationships, because after a point their women friends also tend to do the same. Its a vicious circle, but its a circle, we hope to break.
So anyway getting back to the point, Ive realised the importance of building solid friendships and now I try, very hard, to do that. My therapist and I were talking about something and I realised that last time I really really made friends was maybe 2011 or 12? After that Ive only left friends behind, or they've given up on me and left. Ive not also seriously fallen in love, till date its the same old characters in my life. So thats why K leaving has left a hole in my heart. I miss having a wholesome friendship around me, which is not tiring and draining.
Making new friends is such a suck. How does one even begin? I hope to magically find some answer to this someday, because who knows what tomorrow may bring?
I listen to a lot of Malian music these days, these guys are one of my favourites. They are both blind, Amadou lost his eyesight at 16 and Mariam at 5, look at them being just so ridiculously talented.
K is leaving tomorrow. Oh the misery and the looming cloud of doom over my bed.
Its so hot in delhi that aam panna, jal-jeera and such do not have any effect.
I went to party ten days back and drank so much, by the end of it I was this drunk bumbling idiot, but I still managed to sing a song, and I guess thats what matters. Because otherwise Id feel like this complete fool.
Because K has been here and this was her last week, we spent it just eating everything, obviously the diet has gone down the drain. But I have discovered that I really like Korean food. And I really dig it man, totes.
In other news, I have finally placed an order for my much wanted Bialetti coffee maker. Moka pots, here I come!
Chet Faker: Gold (Check out the three women roller skatin' like its no effort really)
