viva forever

Thats the name of a cheesy song by the Spice girls.

My friend K, or as I now call her, K dawg(I know, the 30s have hit us hard...on the head)...so yea K dawg left for her hometown yesterday and we really tried to not cry at the airport, but then we did. I mean we werent that kind of great friends before she got here, just that we knew each other for close to a decade. But us staying together, and both of us being at the same curve in our lives, I think we've built a different kind of solidarity and love. Last night I really felt lonely, I cried on the phone for a bit, looked at all our selfies taken in the past two months and in the morning I woke up feeling better.

I think its been a while that Ive known that I do not want a marriage kind of a family set up, I love companionship and I seek to make a different kind of a support infrastructure for myself. Hence, I really treasure my friendships. My friendships will be my lifelong relationships. So as friends we practiced not to place a romantic love above than the other relationships, and that the care an that sense of companionship is going to stretched beyond the partners'. So we try to be there for each other's important days. Its difficult, yes, its quite difficult actually, because then you are looking out for quite a few people at the same time and therefore having a few solid friendships helps, so that there'll be someone atleast!  Ive grown up in a family and society where women value their marriages above their personal relationships, because after a point their women friends also tend to do the same. Its a vicious circle, but its a circle, we hope to break.

So anyway getting back to the point, Ive realised the importance of building solid friendships and now I try, very hard, to do that. My therapist and I were talking about something and I realised that last time I really really made friends was maybe 2011 or 12? After that Ive only left friends behind, or they've given up on me and left. Ive not also seriously fallen in love, till date its the same old characters in my life. So thats why K leaving has left a hole in my heart. I miss having a wholesome friendship around me, which is not tiring and draining. 

Making new friends is such a suck. How does one even begin? I hope to magically find some answer to this someday, because who knows what tomorrow may bring?

I listen to a lot of Malian music these days, these guys are one of my favourites. They are both blind, Amadou lost his eyesight at 16 and Mariam at 5, look at them being just so ridiculously talented.